September 28, 2003

Sunday, September 28, 2003

"I had been so upset, I didn't want to go to church.  I'd missed sacrament meeting and then came to the last 2 meetings." I wore a purple dress that my sister let me borrow. I'd not worn it yet because it was a large, and I was in a small, but thought I needed to wear it at least once.

"I went home, BF had to work at the store so I decided to go with him... maybe the walking around would put me in labor.:) (real smiley face at the end of that sentence in my journal)  Funny thing, we had been there for an hour.. and I started to have a LOT of contractions!  They were coming every 5-6 minutes."

As I came out of the doors from the back dairy area, I had to stop and lean on a bread display so I could breathe through a contraction.  I told him to finish, and I just kept stopping as needed.

" We left and BF dropped me off @ my house so I could shower and try to relax. He said he'd be back in 15 minutes. I was having the worst contractions the ENTIRE time i was showering and getting ready.  A couple times i had to sit on the floor and try to relax till they stopped.  It was horrible. Leeine was making the b-day cake that I never got. So... I called BF to tell him dinner was ready. I was trying to talk and get through a contraction at the same time. I had 3 in the time I hung up and the time he got to the house.  I was in the bathroom when he got there, and I told him to hurry and eat.  We decided to leave right then instead."

I sat on the couch, facing north, and Leenie asked me if i was OK. I said I kept having contractions, and that I might need to go. It was because of her that we decided to just.. GO.  I grabbed my bag, and leenie her camera(she was great at documenting things(still is)),

Here I am.. in all my teenage labor glory. See what I said about the dress being a bit big.(maybe that is an understatement) I don't know what my sister was thinking, it didn't fit her when she was pregnant either.

As we drove to the hospital I called my family to let them know we were heading to the hospital.  I know my mom was upset, and definitely voiced it. "He shouldn't be in the room with you Jena, it isn't appropriate, you aren't married." I don't know if I said it to her, but I do remember thinking, "well we had sex, so seeing me deliver a baby can't be much worse. Plus, he is the dad, and he is still here, so I can't say no."  I get where my mom was coming from. I get why she wanted to be there and not him. At least, I think I know why she wanted to be there. She wasn't really there through this whole thing... maybe she wanted to be supportive and be the one there to help.

To this day, I do wish my mom had been there. More so, I wish R & S could have been there.