Tuesday, July 24, 2012

9 days + my Girlies

You know what happened NINE days after we met, I had a baby.
And the days leading up to that were so hard.

I had a few braxton hicks(sp please) contractions here and there for the last month or 2. But the last week was SO HARD. Work seemed un-ending. The bloating, and flipping tree trunk legs were AWFUL. Seriously... kinda made me gag every so often if I saw those fat feet of mine. I will find my photos, eventually, and post those as well.(being that we move every 6 months, I gave up on unpacking...my walls are bare).  The American West Festival was over, which meant a MUCH SLOWER day/days. I liked it slower, but missed how the days passed so quickly.  I was spending more time at my parents house and it seemed that every single day was full of contractions. Most frustrating thing ever, and so exhausting. Should I call the doctor? Should I wait? Will they keep going? So many questions, so little time to do what was needed.

I had decided months before that I wanted to make E a quilt. I had seen a cute little rag quilt in the store as we were looking for fabric for something else, and knew that was what I wanted. After finding the fabric we quickly went to make it and have it ready. As time drew closer I started stressing that I wouldn't have his quilt finished in time.  After meeting A(s's sister), my mom and I went to a cute little store, Storks Landing, and tried to find something what would be good enough for this little boy. I wanted to send him home with something that he could hold.. besides a blanket. We had found TWO bears, that were exactly the same. One was large, and it had light brown/white fur. the other was half the size, but exactly the same. I wanted them, I KNEW that was what I wanted him to have... then i looked at the price tag... that was out of the option. Obviously, my funds were limited. I was heart brokent, and continued to find something for him.

 September 22, 2003
"I got to work at AWHC at 12:30, and started to have 'pains' in my stomach.  They were getting stronger and stronger too. So I got to my parents and called the Dr. He said to wait till they are 5 minutes apart, so I waited... and waited... and at 6:00 they stopped.  I was SO upset and frustrated. I started to cry. Why? Because I felt, if this was going to start it needed to be finished. I wanted to see my baby... to hold him and love him for the first time. I went down and back to Mal's at 9:30 and called BF to come over. He left by 11 and was frustrated that I wasn't with him when I started to have contractions.  He wanted to be there to help me.(see he wasn't crappy all the time)."

That night, I sat on my parents floor, between the entry and the kitchen, right in front of the stairs. Having contractions, and crying. I remember when they stopped my mom asked why I was so upset. I remember telling her that I just wanted it to be over, I wanted all the pain to just come so that I could just move past it. I didn't want to have to think it was going to start and then stop.  Now, by pain I didn't mean labor pains, I meant my heart breaking as I was going to loose him. And at the same time, I just wanted him to be with his mom and dad.

Saturday September 27, 2003

" Bf and I hung out. I started to have some more contractions... then they stopped. I was still so frustrated. But I wasn't surprised that they stopped. I had given up on getting my hopes up."

did that part even make sense. Sometimes I wondered what I was thinking when I wrote some of this stuff. Seriously, I had lost my marbles by then, or I thought I had. Time drug on, and sleeping through the night didn't happen anymore. BUT, my girlie friends continued to have sleep-overs with me almost every night. I would wake up and waddle over them to go to the bathroom. How grateful i was for them, for leenie, for her family, for taking me in, and for being so supportive.

I don't know if I ever said THANK YOU to my M&M's. Through this ENTIRE pregnancy, they were there with me all the way. They were never rude, or negative. They loved me, cared about me, and talked with my so many times I can't even count. I wished so many times that I could go out with them. That I could go to the movies, the camp outs, and all the other fun things they did with all our friends. They were my sisters. They were there cheering me on and pushing me forward. They were my family... when MY family was still so negative. I mean, I understand now why it was hard, but at the same time, I wonder why they couldn't have been more supportive. They weren't mean all the time, but a lot of the time they were.

Thank you MAL-Dawg(yes I know), for being my sister. For letting me share your family. For being my sleepover buddy. Thank you for taking me to wash our comforters. Thank you for being a better example than you will ever know. Your love and kindness did more than you can imagine, and you will be known as one amazing person in my house!
Meg- Thanks for sticking up for me, and for coming over, WHENEVER I needed you. Thank you for being my FRIEND. Thank you for my favorite sandwich, and for ALWAYS... ALWAYS being there. You will forever be a hero!

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