As I was watching a movie the other day, the quote has stuck in my mind, "Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into..." you know, from that movie Phenomenon. I love it, still, and even though I haven't watched it in a million years, I still enjoy it.
As I heard that, I remembered my own love. I remembered how he ' buys my chairs'.
The VERY first time that I ever hung out with my husband, we talked for 4 hours. In those 4 hours he asked and I answered every question he had about my story. About my experience with adoption. About my relationship with that angel boy and his AMAZING parents. And, well, he also got to hear a lot about what he didn't ask. As those few weeks passed, he invited me to meet his family. We weren't "together", as we had been making very clear to everyone(verbally at least), and they saw through that hand holding. A little surprised, and nervous, I asked if he had let his family know that I'd had a baby. I wanted to be sure that they knew, that they would be OK with their son being friends with/having a relationship with, a girl who'd had a child already. That my past wouldn't interfere with their feelings towards me.
You see, I'd dated/gone out with, many boys. Many of them told me that they didn't want to date anymore because the "kid". I had many flat out say, "I would never date a girl who had a baby.". It broke my heart. I knew that if they weren't OK with that piece of me then we didn't need to waste our time "meeting the family". I know no one is perfect, there are rare occasions where in-laws butt heads ALWAYS. And well, that was a big thing that I felt important for them to know first hand.
Long story short, we got married(big smile), so they were OK with that big piece of me.
Ever since then, he has let me do whatever I have wanted to do with my story. Not only that, he has always been supportive of my openness about placing a child for adoption. Some people have told me I don't need to tell everyone that I had a baby that I placed. The tones I hear are that of shame. I am not ashamed to be a Birth Mom. I am absolutely HONORED. Not only did I get to have the blessing of being able to carry a child, but I was able to give him a life he deserved. I was able to give 2 people a child they so longed for and wanted. I was able to give grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, another person to love. There are no children more loved in this world that those who have been placed.
It is also lucky on my end, for so many reasons, but one in particular, is the BIGGER family that I have now, and that my kids get to be a part of.. My daughter calls them Papa and Nana, and knows them and loves them. And my husband and I get to love our kids more than ever!!!!
Every chance I get, I participate in group at the local LDS Family Services, and my Derek supports and encourages me to go. It is AMAZING the women I've met in just a few short weeks that I've been going down here. And so many girls that have to make such a tough decision.
I love doing panels, going to group, standing in a college hall during Adoption Awareness Months, or going to a local High School to talk about my experience with an unexpected teen pregnancy. I hope that someone can make such an unselfish and hard decision because of me. Or that I'll have informed someone of what a blessing adoption is!!!
I am so grateful for Derek 'buying my chairs'. I sure got lucky. Even if our road has been TOUGH, it has never wavered on his support in my desire to do more.