Saturday, January 3, 2015

January Adoption Link-up

How will adoption play a roll in your year? What are your hopes and dreams? Are you waiting for your little one to come home? Write about how you imagine that happening. Are you placing/have you placed a child for adoption? What are you hopes for your child's future, and how you will be a part of their year? How will you contribute to the adoption world this year?

This has to be for me, really Kristen, it has been on my mind since November!

So, that seems to be the thing lately, "How do I want adoption to be a part of me this year?"  "How will it play out?"....
The possibilities are endless when you have placed so long ago.  So much has changed in the 3 short years since I went "public" with my story.  I think at the time I needed to express myself and my story for me. I have always felt the desire to serve and do more in the adoption community, but never jumped into it.  I had LDSFS number a year after moving here, and never talked to anyone, because it just didn't feel comfortable. It scared me to go into another -group that wasn't "mine".    I waited for a long time before I went in, and had even started writing here before then.  . 
I thought sharing was something that was unique.  I thought a blog about it was unique. It isn't, and I feel dumb most of the time because its very repetitive in what I say, and what is out there.  But it served me, in a way to pretend I was serving my purpose. I have learned so much and now.... here I am.

How will adoption play a roll in your year?

I'll post less... because I don't feel like I need to do this. I don't feel like I have anyone to help. I feel like this blog served its purpose. I don't know what it was... but it feels that way. I will take a back seat, and see how I feel. I will watch, and be minimally involved in the community. I don't feel needed there, and that is OK.  I did my part. What it is I hope I'll find out someday, but I think its done for now.  

Hopes and Dreams?

I hope to be able to move forward in my journey. To let go of unanswered questions, and expectations of others. I can't meet my own expectations lately, so expecting anything of others seems unrealistic right now.  (blog post to come about that).   I hope that my angel boy and his family will continue in their amazing life. That they will continue to be filled with love, compassion, joy, and safety.  They truly are incredible people, and I am lucky to know them.  I hope they all know how much I love each and every one of them. And that I have nothing but love and hope for all of them.  I hope he knows how much I love him.  And that even though I am not his mom, I want the best for him.  That he achieves all he desires and dreams, and continues to be the amazing young man that I've been told he is! 
for me:
I hope I figure out what I want to do:)  I hope I can figure out what God wants me to do. 

Contribution to the adoption world?

I have been planning and prepping for 2015. (yup just had to backspace it and correct 2014 to 2015) I will continue to work with Open Adoption, Open Heart on both the Birth Parent, and Group pages.  I will hopefully have another meet up with my OAOH ladies this coming summer as well.  I hope that I can be a POSITIVE part of adoption.  That I can let go of the hurt and push the good.  I hope that I can experience being a part of someones  adoption again.  I would LOVE to experience finding the "family" for an expectant mom and her baby. 

I really want to do more posting of Hopeful Adoptive Families/couples.  I need to. I want to. I will do.  

And for now, that is it. I am kind of in a fog as to what will happen now.  Maybe its due to the fact that we will be adding another baby girl to our family in 3-4 weeks.  And being so unprepared mentally/spiritually/emotionally/physically is FREAKING ME OUT!  I feel guilty about it.  I feel bad.  But right now I feel as if I am at a crossroads.  And I need help from my Father in Heaven to tell me where to go.  
I usually ask what I should do.. "should I do this or that"... and have gotten no response lately. So its probably time that I quit telling him what I want, and find out what HE wants. That is how it is supposed to work anyway right?  

I hope y'all will join me in prayer, and faith, and journaling.  I hope everyone has an amazing year with amazing blessings. I hope that those waiting... and waiting... and waiting will have their hearts and homes filled with the children that they are waiting for, and that are waiting for them.