Sunday, July 1, 2012

my friends brothers sister in law's nephew...

I wish I could say that I am not the kind of person to ask a girl who is placing if she would like to see the profile of someone I know... But, its something that every chance I get, I share their information. 

When I was pregnant with E, and still undecided(according to everyone but me), I had friends, neighbors, ward members, and even complete strangers come to me, stating, "Oh, you're not married and pregnant? My brothers sister in law's, nephews, brother, is trying to adopt..."  Now, not that I was super against having people tell me abut prospective adoptive couples; I was against how they were coming to me with them. Being a young pregnant teen, I thought I was an adult now, mature, and able to handle things(as I've said before).  Sadly, as per my responses to those comments/questions/suggestions, "I am not giving my baby up for adoption. I don't know what I am doing right now."  I remember getting so absolutely annoyed and thinking, "How dare they come to me like that?"  
SERIOUSLY? If you could only sit here with me, listening to me as I repeat out loud what I just wrote. If I only had the slightest inclination of what life and love really was like at that moment. I was still reeling off the fact that the BF was cheating on me, and then came back to tell me he wanted to be together again. And, if we have to be completely honest, I was still thinking that he would love me enough to want to be married and I wouldn't have to do the thing that my heart was breaking over.

Months passed, i moved back to my little town, and tried to keep busy and focused. I tried to be "normal", attending a friends farewell talk at church, and hang out with friends like there was nothing wrong. But, by that point, there was something wrong, and it was hanging out over my tummy.  The looks as I entered the Chapel to hear my friend Andy give his talk, the whispers. It was so awful. And it was more awful because people judged me that moment.  I wasn't the Jena I used to be, that choice to have sex changed everything. It didn't matter that I'd never been a "naughty" girl. It didn't matter that my life was going to be different forever, and that this was already the hardest thing ever. All that mattered was that I was the friend, who came to a farewell, pregnant.Nothing was "normal" I stood out like a sore thumb.  And, the BF had no intention of a future, and I really didn't want one, if only to keep this little thing.

Those people still came to me, telling me of loved ones who couldn't have their own children. Slowly it sank in how unbelievably hard it would be to be in their shoes.  And slowly, I had to start to admit to people that the choice I had to make was going to be hard, but had to be done. And, that's when I admitted it...openly.  It was hard, but not long after, did I find them... my HEROES... my sister and brother, E's Mommy & Daddy!!!!

I found them because our "Fairy Godmother", came to Utah for the summer... and was friends with my mom... and that's where the story gets interesting:).

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