Journaling

a letter from S, after we'd sent her our package and announcement, picture and bio information.

September 7, 2003 

"... I have 4 sisters in my family and we are all very close. It's interesting because as we talk about you, its like you're our sister too. They love you as much as I do. K & D(S's sisters) are pregnant now also, and are due in January. We chat and laugh at all the fun the little ones will have.

I can hardly wit for the opportunity I'll have to wrap my arms around you and give you a hug. I can only imagine how difficult this trial has been for you, and my heart hurts to think of any pain you have felt or are feeling now.  if I could, I would take it from you, and though its beyond what i am capable of doing, I know that our Savior can and will..."

She quoted a couple scriptures: 1 Nephi 21:15-16, and John 14: 27

She was my sister. Her sisters, were my sisters. Her family, was my family. It was amazing the bond that was felt even before meeting. It was odd to feel completely empty until I met them. I wondered how it was possible to have never known a family, ever, and in a singular moment, ache to see them and be with them. I missed them as much as I missed my own family when I was away.

I was so happy to get that hug, to feel of their love. I wish there was more time in that day. 

That day, was a preview, and so amazing. I am so SO grateful that adoptions are so different now. The girls have opportunities to have COMPLETELY OPEN adoptions. They can, if it is what both the girl and the hopeful adoptive couple wants, they can go to their home, visit whenever they both agree to. Talk on the phone, e-mail, know every detail about each other... and from the very beginning.  LUCKY DUCKS!

the letter I got following our first meeting

September 23, 2003

"...Going into the meeting we were both a little nervous and not sure what to expect. As we were leaving I told S that I wished we could have sat there visiting you all day. There were so many things we wanted to ask and to say and so little time. And eve half the things I tried to say would hardly come out.

We want you to know that we appreciate the sacrifice you are making and that you are trusting s with your creation. .... We will share with I'm about our visit with you and will make sure he knows that you love him. That your decision to give him up was because you loved him and wanted the best for him.... We wish we could be there to give you a hug and to help you through the hard times. .."

from R.

That is one thing that girls have had the opportunity to do in open adoptions. There have been MANY girls, that have been able to see the couple daily/weekly, and even some who have LIVED with the couples. I wished I could have been closer to them. I always wished that I could have them there. There were so many moments that I sat there with my belly being kicked to death, wishing S could feel her baby boy. I remember wishing I COULD have them there with me. R was going to be the BEST dad in the ENTIRE world! I was so happy to have such an example for this little guy, he sure got lucky!

"... As we shared with my family about our visit, tears filled all of our eyes and the only words I could find that could come close to describing you was that you reminded me of an angel.", "...as I've thought about your comment that you hope this little boy doesn't have you for the decision you're making I can't imagine that happening at all. he will know how much you love him and he will hear how much we love you..." 

One of the things we talked about in our meeting, that sounds like it was some work thing(oh well), was traditions. My family doesn't really have that many, but my absolute all time favorite is Blueberry muffins. We have them for breakfast on each of our birthdays.  S said, "On a lighter note, I've also been thinking about the blueberry muffins. I need a family recipe to make it authentic. we wouldn't want anything but the best, especially on his birthday!"

I had to laugh, we don't do things fancy fancy, and just use Betty Crocker Blueberry muffins. What a let down ha ha. I am wondering if S and her family or R's family have a recipe? I would love to make them from scratch! Or anyone period, a REALLY good recipe!

In the letter they told me of the idea for the theme of his soon to be nursery, built around a children's book that R's father illustrated. Eventually, I was hoping to figure out what it was, then went and bought it:).  my first thoughts as I read that paragraph, OH MY WORD! How lucky for that little boy to have such a talent in his family! I was already jealous of an unborn baby, because his Grandpa was an artist! I was jealous because ALL those kids wen to college, because he would have the MOST AMAZING opportunities! I picked the best couple EVER!

They talked about sames that they liked, and even asked what I thought! I didn't even think that my opinion mattered. I remember telling the BF that I wanted his mom and dad to name him. I didn't feel like it was right of me to have a say, I didn't feel  bad about it either. He was theirs, I wanted every part of him to be theirs. And it ALWAYS felt right!

They were amazing, so amazing. I wish I could have spent every day with them!

 July 2003

August 2003