High School - being pregnant

my little sister, the one I NEVER got along with... and who I told I was pregnant on her Birthday...

The next day, before I could go tell my friends myself, the ENTIRE school knew that I was pregnant.  She was awesome, and so mature(i mean i was so much more remember), and felt it necessary to tell every single person that I was pregnant. 

Now, it wasn't as if I was going to try to keep this a secrete, but I wanted to tell my friends. I didn't want them to hear from anyone else. But, I guess that is what happens in a disgruntled family, angry sister, wanting to get you back kind of thing.  I had called both of my best friends so I could pick them up from school and tell them. I don't remember them being mad, they were surprised, and disappointed.  They'd heard, and wondered if it was really true. But every one else knew, everyone. My friends all knew, and some of them STILL act weird towards me.

The thing about this small town I grew up in, there are people who are SUPER judgmental. Do not get me wrong, I know that when you find out a classmate, a friend of a classmate, or a daughter of a neighbor is pregnant and a Sr in high school all sorts of things are bound to run through your head. I'm sure people started talking about what a slut I was (an this I'm not kidding, things really were said like this).  Talking about me going off and getting married(uh, i got married? New to me.) Parents not wanting their kids to hang out or talk to me anymore.. yadda yadda yadda.  It was hard, very hard. Especially, like I said, because I'd never had sex before, EVER. It was hard seeing people that I thought were my friends ignore me. It was hard seeing them talk about me, and especially those I thought knew me better than that. 

It was hard thinking of continuing school... wondering if I even could... could I handle going there every day with my huge belly?  

As a Sr in High School I took a class where the teacher had an panel of girls. They talked about their experience with adoption. That they weren't the girls that slept with everyone, or had even only had sex one time.  I remember sitting in my chair thinking, I could NEVER place my baby for adoption if I got pregnant out of marriage. I couldn't imagine having sex before I got married either so I didn't think of it much. I remember hearing them tell of how they were treated in their religious groups, friends, family, etc etc.  I never thought I would end up being one of those girls.

It was amazing seeing the people that were my friends, and who were not. People who still tried to keep in contact with me and see how I was doing, and those that would avoid me at all cost.

I remember specifically one girl, J, whose mom told her that she was not allowed to speak or talk to me ever again. The funny part about this, is that she and her boyfriend had been sexually active since... forever. They were actually the friends of the bf. She got me in contact with the bf, and it made me so angry. It made me angry that she could let her mom be so rude and, well, i guess do what most any mom would probably do. BUT, do it knowing that she had been doing the same things, longer than I ever had. 

I remember thinking... how am I going to tell J, and his family.  I was SO disgusted all ready.. now I got to add his family to the disappointment. 

Would anyone want to talk to me? To be my friend? Would they be mean? What would my parents say to people who asked about me? What would I say?  

So many questions... so many options. And all I could think of was how much I was going to be judged. And how much I probably deserved it.  I know I wasn't, personally, the kind of person to bad mouth a girl who got pregnant. Mostly, I was just sad for them that they put themselves in that position. That they were in the spot to have to make some super hard decisions.  I was sick over being right there with them... and so confused.