November 6, 2009
I had the opportunity to go to group. I haven't been in over a year and
it was SO different. Obviously with it being 6 years the girls I knew
were long gone. Six years! Six years ago I looked like those little
girls. I wanted to cry right when I walked through the door. They had no
idea what they were in for, or what they had JUST experienced! One
thing is for sure, they were very quiet, so i talked A LOT, but that's
what helps you heal. We talked a lot about choices, and things that
remind us of the decisions that we made. Reasons why we placed, or were
going to, or reasons why some weren't sure what their plans were. There
was one girl who placed not too long ago who is living with an adoptive
family. The mom that she was living with was there, and was involved
with LDSFS soon after I had placed. The love she has for her
birth mothers, and her children, and for that young girl who had just
placed was awesome! Anyway, to the story... This girl has been having
some 'problems' with her adoptive couple. The 'problem' isn't that she
is one of those crazy birth moms and wants to see them all the time and
know every minute detail... but she wants to have a relationship with
the adoptive couple. She wants them to treat her more as a sister/friend
rather than a birth mom. She wishes that they could know how much she
loves them and that they have nothing to worry about as far as her
feeling uncomfortable with her decision. Its hard for her seeing this
couple that she is living with be so loving and accepting of their
children's birth parents, and not get that same feeling with hers. She has
been guarded in things she has said cause she doesn't want them to feel
like they need to guard themselves or feel uncomfortable. I just wanted
to hug her cause I can't imagine having a situation where they didn't
really want to talk to you! Another girl had JUST turned 16 and was
planning on parenting. This girl has such potential, and was beautiful.
Her mom was there, and looked like her heart had been stomped on! Oh it
was so sad. One thing we always talk about in group, or in any
atmosphere when there is a discussion on adoption, is the confirmation
you receive when you know what you are supposed to do. One thing was,
she wasn't sure that she was making the right decision. She based that
decision on the fact that she'd already bought stuff for the baby, and
not necessarily because of 'knowing'.
In the end I really wanted to share my MOST FAVORITE scripture to these girls.
I just felt like they needed to be reminded that our Heavenly Father is
right there. And that if you ask a question he WILL answer you, and you
will get the answer that is right.
Now, like I've said time and time again.. Adoption is not for everyone.
And sometimes girls get the answer that they are supposed to parent. I
AGREE with the girls that do parent, when its the right thing to do. I
think all girls that have an unexpected pregnancy need to know that if
YOU feel the decision you are making is the RIGHT decision, others will
feel that as well. The confirmation that the Holy Ghost gives you will
be given to those around you. I just hope those girls remember what they
are doing and why they are doing it... Adoption is an INCREDIBLE gift.
And how appropriate that November is National Adoption Awareness month?!
I'll be doing a post just for that!