Throughout my adoption journey there were a few Mothers that had a big influence on my choice and my life.
Not once did my mom tell me that I HAD to place. Not once did she say that I needed to do that. She did, however, tell me that she felt that I needed to do what was right for the baby. And that she did feel that adoption was the right choice. She also said, that if I chose to parent, that she and my dad would be there for me every step of the way. It was because of her, that I found the couple I would later call family.
It was her that gave me and my sweet baby boy a set of matching Teddy Bears. Bears that were unbelievably overpriced, and I thought I'd never see again. And the day after having this little guy, she brought to the hospital room. I cried, she cried. I know she cried with me many times. Though, most words were left unsaid, she let me cry. She has had to deal with so many of us dumb kids, making dumb hard choices, yet she is still faithful and strong.
MY REAL HERO!
My Big Sister:
I went to live with her after letting my family know I was pregnant. Not to HIDE the pregnancy, but in hopes that I could end up graduating with my class. She and my B-I-L were kind of heroes to me over those few months that I was with them.
My mom wasn't to fond of the Birth Father. She didn't want my sister allowing me to talk to him, and didn't want her to encourage me to parent. BUT, she also knew that my sis would do what she felt was right. She never stopped me from seeing the Birth Father. She had so many moments of clarity that I never wanted to see. She was up with me in the night when i had the worst pain ever(heartburn). My B-I-L even going to get me some Tums in the middle of the night. She helped me more than she knows.
And my little nephew was more than healing in being able to take care of him. It was also a little preview of what it would be like if I were to single parent... and it was hard. She came to see me in the Hospital as well... we cried lots together too.
Not long after placing, she met me in Layton to do something, I can't remember what. She had a gift for me. A Willow Tree Angel(that I kind of can't get over now). It was the "Guardian Angel". The word Angel means a lot to me when it comes to adoption. She let me know that though I was hurting, I was E's Guardian Angel, and that I was the safe place to get him to his Mom and Dad. What more do can I say about her that, that moment doesn't tell you about her?
I was super unhappy living in Utah Valley. I didn't have any friends, and I was just tired of being away from my "support"(even though my sister was MORE than supportive). One of my best friends moms said I could come stay with them. SERIOUSLY, this family let me into their home, for months. She truly is an amazing woman. She was so helpful to me at times when I felt lost and confused. And my other "dad", her husband, gave me one of the most simple, yet most important blessings I've ever had. They mean a WHOLE lot to me. And I am grateful for her!
The Adoptive Mom, My sister, S:
We kind of broke the rules a little bit while we were in the adoption process. At least, at the time of my placement it was breaking rules. I so enjoyed talking to her, and telling her what was going on. This was such a strong woman, who had to go through so much on her own journey to this place of Adoption.
It was her love and open arms that took me and gave me the most peaceful, loving hug I've ever had. She and R, there, holding their son for the first time. But talking to me as if they were so guilty for what was about to happen. They told me they loved me so many times over those few months before we placed. And I couldn't believe what a short time it was from hearing about them, choosing them, and meeting them.
I'm glad I broke the rules, if for nothing, than being able to interrupt her at school to tell her that I wanted her and R to be this little mans parents. I wish I could have been in the room that day, in the rooms of the family that she told. She is another Hero!