Thursday, February 13, 2014

When You Share

**Disclaimer ** this is raw, real, and very much me. 
oh- and this is gonna be a quote filled post.

This last week has been filled with a lot of emotions. Anger, hurt, frustration, faith, question, hope, to name a few.  In the end (as in today) I feel stronger than before. And more ready than I ever have to continue to share my story in hopes that someday it will help someone else. 

To sum it up, This quote seemed perfect for the setting.

To say the least, what I saw was more of a shock than a frustration. It did turn into frustration, but then I rememberd this quote that my daddy told me.  Truly, he is an inspired man, because he helped remind me that, 10 years later, I am better than I have ever been. And that I am ok. 
And then, I realized, I am ok. I AM OK!  I know that what I am doing is ok. What I am doing is right. That God knows it, I know it, and the people who matter know it.

Leads me to my next point:

Though I share a LOT on here, and I have shared a LOT in panels, in classrooms, but its not the WHOLE story. There are many special, sacred things that I don't share. But its important to share enough so that (as stated above) someone, i hope, will be touched and helped in either making an adoption plan, or choosing to parent, or get married...  Maybe I can help someone with Post Pardum Depression?  Maybe I'll be able to help someone who is in an abusive relationship?  But here's the thing to. There are many who were there to see my life from 2002-2005. There were many that weren't there during it, but still assume they know my story.  They may know a small part, but they don't know all of it. There are many that assume that sharing forgiveness is equal to meaning that I have feelings for someone. LAME BALLS to those. This is my story. A story of triumph, love, loss, and growth. I have learned more from being a Birth Mother than anything in this world.  Being a Birth Mother has made me a better Mother. I am not perfect, but I try.

So here we are to the next :

This is true. This is not me saying "I am amazing and I have an amazing spirit."  This is me saying:
"If I am going to share my story publicly. If I am going to be an advocate for adoption. If I am going to be open, honest, true, and real. Then I have to be willing to take the backlash."
Not everyone is into adoption. Not everyone is willing to accept the truth. Not everyone is willing to admit the truth. and you know what, THAT'S OK. Why?  Because it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.  I share for myself, and for those who I hope to help in their own journeys.  
So, my adoption friends and family, my birth mommas, birth dads, adoptive parents, expectant moms... SHARE ON. Be prepared for the backlash, and stand by your story. Be sure, as well, that you are truthful. because it matters.

Assume the Good. Doubt the Bad.  Pretty simple eh?  
I don't know if this person is gong through something. I don't know if they're happy or sad.  IT DOESN'T MATTER. Assume the good.  And what I assume, is they have a relationship and that makes me HAPPY.  And i am at peace, and have fully forgiven, and have loved my life the last 8 years.  Have there been many ups and downs HECK FRIGGIN YEA. But its my life, and I'm stronger, because of it. 

I have been carried by friends, family, neighbors, and total strangers. Mostly, I have been able to kneel down and pray for strength to forget and forgive and feel peace. And the Lord has been there to love me and carry me through.  

I am so grateful that I can share this story. And that I have the opportunity to do work in the adoption community.  We all need to be more aware:)

I have, for a very short time, tried to see the good in every situation.  I found it in this. And am blessed because of it.  FIND THE GOOD. Forget the nonsense. And forgive as well.  It doesn't matter anymore. Its done and over with. And its all OK.

1 comment:

  1. Quit beating yourself up. I've known for 54 yrs that I was adopted. I accepted it, I knew God was in charge of it and when the time was ready, God's time, I moved from Cali to Montana, 6 yrs later I wrote a letter with the help of my doctor to the Los Ang court. 4 months later and $24 in court fees I had my family in my lap. Although I've found 7 bothers and sisters, many many neices and nephews and a few greats, nothing really changed. I am still adopted. I'm still glad I was. I don't blame anyone. I'll meet them someday in heaven, I hope they are there. I will be.