Thursday, January 16, 2014

running out of titles

Day 13: The Worst Memory


 Darkness, cold, alone, and the middle of the night. 
I can't go into more than that... this was one of the worst nights during my adoption journey.
its still painful. SUPER painful.  And no one understands what it did to me. 
I felt broken, worthless, ALONE, ignored, misunderstood, misguided, deceived, questioned...

Day 14: Turning point

 This family, that girl, and the dad that isn't pictured.  This was my turning point.
My two best friends at this time, Mal and Meg. My Leenie and her hubby Dave, and little Judd. 
Leenie, Mal, Dave, Judd, and Joe(who was gone on a mission), took me into their home when I was 71/2 months pregnant.  They showed me something, though never verbally, or pushy, or anything bad, that I DESPERATELY needed to see.  I got to have my own room, and mal and meg slept on my floor pretty much every single night that I lived there.  They were sisters to me at a time when I didn't really have any.
My Leenie and Dave. I still remember your blessing daddy Dave:).  You people changed my life!

Day 15: Birth/First Family

My leenie took pictures for us the day of placement. We were able to take little E home for a few hours between leaving the hospital and placement. 
We were SO toxic together. We fought all the time. There was abuse. There was lying. There was everything wrong. But we did, both of us, love love LOVE that little boy more than anything.  We were still his family. At least for a little while. And we'll always be his Birth Family.  And E has something that so many adoptive children don't, a birth father that was in the picture. I don't know if they still have contact now, but I hope, for E, that they do.  I do, because I know people can change. And I want him to be able to see the good that i could see in his BF.

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