Photo-A-Day part Duex

Day 4: The Hardest Decision

There is something about this picture... there are 4 hands here. R's, S's, Mine, & BF's.

What this represents to me is that we are all there, carrying and loving that angel boy. That we are all there for his best interest. That we LOVE him, all of us. 

Why was this the hardest decision?  Because I was his mom. Because he was still mine. Because as a mother, I can't imagine placing one of my babies I have now. I don't know how I did it then. I truly had to be carried by the Love of my Father in Heaven. To have the Spirit remind my soul and heart over and over that it was right.  Letting him out of my arms. was. the. hardest. decision. But it was right. Oh I know it, and I'll never doubt it. I can't explain it, its only something a Birth Parent can understand.  But I love him. I love love love him and his mom and dad. HIS MOM and DAD!!!!

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful...” Jose N. Harris

Day 5: The Best Memory

Each of these memories are the best. Each have brought me different experiences, different love, different challenges.

Bottom left: My angel boy & myself. It was heart wrenching, and joyful all at one moment. 

Bottom right: Myself and my first little. Lou. Oh I was in sticker shock after having her... "uh... what do i do?" What do you do when you finally get to take them home?!

Top left: my chubby Roo and myself.  She had breathing problems that scared me to death.

Top right: Myself and my Bubba.  Six weeks early, broke my heart, and didn't get to hold him all but 4 times in his first week of life. Holy my heart. 

These moments rocked me. Each and every one. But they are all the best:)

Day 6: My View

View one and two. Both of the same day, both only MINUTES between.  

The thing that expectant moms/dads/parents, married or not, need to know....  

BEING A PARENT IS HARD HARD HARD.  

It is a battle of demons every day to not scream. To not mull over the little things. To remember that, if they ate breakfast, and aren't willing/wanting to eat lunch, they'll eat when they're hungry. And if they decide to not listed to me, and the end up shattering a bottle of jelly... hopefully they'll have learned their lesson!

 Is it hard, and frustrating, and do I question myself every day.  YUP. But I am grateful that I get to be a mother. I am even more grateful I get to be married to a man who is a great father. 

I am blessed because my angel boy has a mom and dad who can provide everything he will ever want/need. They can support him physically, emotionally, spiritually, temporally.  Its pretty incredible seeing them interact as a family, to hear the little voices while I talk to his mom.