Sunday, March 23, 2014

Open = Awesome

Open Adoption, according to Wikipedia:
'Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the biological and adoptive families have access to varying degrees of each other's personal information and have an option of contact. In Open Adoption, the adoptive parents hold all the rights as the legal parents, yet the individuals of the biological and adoptive families may exercise the option to open the contact in varying forms: from just sending mail and/or photos, to face-to-face visits between birth and adoptive families.'

Open adoption has changed very much over the years. Adoption in General, but I'll get more detailed about that on another post. This post is going to be about my Open Adoption. Many times I've claimed a "semi-open" adoption. Which, when you look at what qualifies as open, is lame sauce that I say 'semi'.  Because there are those who truly only have "semi-open" adoptions, and I'm not sure I'd be able to heal and grow, as they have, if I had a real semi-open adoption.  

Last night I had one of the most fun nights I've had.  It included the visit with E's Auntie T.  The most enjoyable part was wanting to see her not because she is E's aunt, but because I truly love and adore her.  She came to my neck of the woods with some of her friends. They were nice enough to let me barge in on their girls weekend, and come visit with T, and even stay WAY longer than I'd expected.   Truly, I felt that I was intruding and in the way, but they were all so welcoming and loving and kind!  I was able to play, laugh, and experience life with his family, besides being with them because it was a birth mom visit.  I was able to experience joy, and laughter, and life with his Auntie, as a friend.
I hadn't seen T since my first visit with the little guy when he was 2. We have, since then, became "facebook friends", I follow her Instagram, and her blog.  She is INCREDIBLE. She has had so many challenges put into her life since she married, and she carries through with her head held high and faith firm.  A blind husband, and a disabled son due to an accident; she truly is the strongest person I know!   When I saw that she was headed down I immediately asked if we could get together for a bit.  I wasn't sure if it would happen, and wasn't sure if there would be time for me to be a bugger and intrude on their fun.  But she made the time, and invited me to see her, and meet her hilarious and such fun friends.  I got emotional as I pulled up to the house they were staying at. And had to remind myself that I AM OK:).  It was awesome to see her, and her cute little prego belly.  It was so fun to sit and talk with her and feel so comfortable. She is as perfect as her sister:).

Some things I learned:
Its true, his family is PERFECT! They are HILARIOUS. They are REAL. The are AMAZING.
I also learned that i HATE the term "adoptive family". Explaining why I hate that term, uuugh, hard to get across when posting on a blog... when you cant see what I'm feeling inside.  They are not his adoptive family.  They are his FAMILY.  Straight, simple, true. And while I know that I wouldn't be saying this 10 years ago, at least not with the feelings I have now, its something I am not going to continue saying.  They are his family 110%, as if they'd always been, as if his momma had carried him.  There is nothing adoptive about it, because he fits perfectly, looks perfectly, and is THEIRS!  I am so lucky that I was able to bring him to them. I am so lucky that I have them in my life.

I learned, that changes are happening, in a great way.  I didn't see T because I wanted to talk about little man. I wanted to see T because I wanted to hear about her baby boy, her hubby, and her soon to be baby girl!  I LOVE his family. And Open Adoption has allowed me to have relationships beyond just him, his momma and daddy, and his siblings.  I get to see his cousins, aunts, grandparents.  ITS AMAZING  I love them more today, all of them, then I did yesterday.  I dont' know what it was about last night that made some huge leap of growth and healing, I really wasn't aware there was healing left to do, but it did something. I am SO lucky to build lasting friendships with this amazing family I get to call mine.  

Its like I said last night, little E's family is PERFECT, in turn their families get the perfect card as well.  And, well, its true. His family is PERFECT.  The most kind hearted, accepting, non judgmental, loving people EVER.  All of them.  I don't get to see them often, or really talk to them one on one often, but good grief they are amazing.  They are all examples in faith and courage, & of love and sacrifice.  Truly blessings for me.  I can't wait to see T again, and to see ALL of them again. I really can't explain how fun it was, or how it made me feel to be there as a friend. Even though we are connected through adoption, I think I would be friends with them if I knew them any other way!  Or, at least, I'd want to be. They're pretty stinking cool.

Thanks for letting me join in on the fun last night girls.  New friends made, lots of laughs, and new games I'll be playing with my family!  LOVE YOU ALL!!!! 

I know this is a jumbled mess... and that some may cringe at my saying I hate the term 'adoptive couple'.  But this is how I feel. These are my opinions and thoughts. I don't want to every try to make it look that every other Birth Parent feels as I do. We all have traveled different roads. We all have different openness. I am just grateful for what I have!!!

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