Thursday, November 21, 2013

D is for Decisions

Decisions Decisions.

I remember so many nights, trying to make an official decision. I was in limbo with no real light coming in from anywhere. I was standing in a room... trying to find the switch.  I never really thought about it, being in limbo, being stuck in a state of denial.  I wasn't in denial. I was in denial. I wasn't in denial about being pregnant, I was FULLY AWARE that I had a bump protruding from my stomach. And I was fully aware of the little being moving inside me.  
I WAS in denial that anything needed to be done, or talked about, or prepared for this little life.  I don't remember if the BF and I talked about our options very much. I don't remember if the BF and I ever talked about what the other wanted.  I was in denial that this little guy, was just... there. 
I knew what I needed to do, but i didn't know how to admit it. This was HUGE HUGE HUGE. The HUGEST(yes i know not a real word) thing i'd ever come to. What in the world was a 18 year old girl supposed to do?  Not graduated, still a TEENAGER, not married, in a toxic relationship... the list grew and grew.
I had to made a decision based on what I knew to be true at the time. AND I needed to make a decision based on what was best for little buddy and not me.  But, why did I never ask?  Why didn't he ever ask me? More to add to clarity:)

And, besides, I am THE. ABSOLUTE. WORST. decision maker ever!  I hate making decisions. I'll walk around the store with something in my had and then take it back as im about to checkout. or I buy it and take it back.  I can't even make lunch... its kinda lame. So bad, I had to REDO my "decisions opening page" because I hated it BWAHAHAHA  yes. Winner Winner folks:)

Decisions page one.   - which do you choose? the A, K, Q, or J?

Decision page 2.
"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful." 
Paul C.

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