I remember so many nights, trying to make an official decision. I was in limbo with no real light coming in from anywhere. I was standing in a room... trying to find the switch. I never really thought about it, being in limbo, being stuck in a state of denial. I wasn't in denial. I was in denial. I wasn't in denial about being pregnant, I was FULLY AWARE that I had a bump protruding from my stomach. And I was fully aware of the little being moving inside me.
I WAS in denial that anything needed to be done, or talked about, or prepared for this little life. I don't remember if the BF and I talked about our options very much. I don't remember if the BF and I ever talked about what the other wanted. I was in denial that this little guy, was just... there.
I knew what I needed to do, but i didn't know how to admit it. This was HUGE HUGE HUGE. The HUGEST(yes i know not a real word) thing i'd ever come to. What in the world was a 18 year old girl supposed to do? Not graduated, still a TEENAGER, not married, in a toxic relationship... the list grew and grew.
I had to made a decision based on what I knew to be true at the time. AND I needed to make a decision based on what was best for little buddy and not me. But, why did I never ask? Why didn't he ever ask me? More to add to clarity:)
And, besides, I am THE. ABSOLUTE. WORST. decision maker ever! I hate making decisions. I'll walk around the store with something in my had and then take it back as im about to checkout. or I buy it and take it back. I can't even make lunch... its kinda lame. So bad, I had to REDO my "decisions opening page" because I hated it BWAHAHAHA yes. Winner Winner folks:)
Decisions page one. - which do you choose? the A, K, Q, or J?
Decision page 2.
"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful."