I didn't now there was such a thing as "Birth Mothers Day". I definitely didn't know of it when I placed, or many many years following. I only really came to know what that was 2 years ago. Open Adoption Open Heart had asked me to be a part of their page. And they taught me a LOT about the love people have for Birth Mothers. I even had my first "Happy Birth Mothers Day" posts over Facebook:) .
Now, I don't know that it is a "real" holiday/recognized day, but in the adoption world, it is.
The year following placement, I sat alone, in my parents basement, on Mothers Day. I came upstairs, after having cried, and sat to eat. My dad said, very nonchalant, happy mothers day. I cried more. Then more that evening.
Since that night, I have not had a family member recognize/celebrate myself or that day. I crave to have someone in my family recognize that he was mine, if only for a moment. That even if I am not his mother, I am/was a mother still. I still crave for them to say... anything... positive about his being a part of our family at all. Even now, even though he isn't mine, his family IS MINE. They are my family to the ends of the earth on to eternity. Yup, they're mine:), they are my family. I love them. I wonder if it will ever happen, but shouldn't hold my breath. They still haven't even read my blog.
That being said, I received a text from my little brother. "I guess I'll be hanging with you on Birth Mothers Day." WHAAAAA? Ya, my mouth dropped as wide as the grand canyon! No joke, I was in shock. Not only did he say he'd be coming down to stop in for a bit(which hasn't happened in FOREVER), but he said a SPECIFIC IMPORTANT DAY. It was a good thing that he didn't see me - or hear me - I was a blubbery mess.
Friends... adoption peeps... birth mommas... the family members of those who have placed a baby...
PLEASE acknowledge those women for what they have done. I constantly hear "what a brave girl you are" or how "selfless" or "amazing" I am. I don't feel it, especially when I can't get my family to acknowledge it. Make sure those girls know, that they are loved. That their choice to place those BEYOND special babies, was a choice well made. That though they are breaking, that you are proud of them for making the hardest choice of their lives(at least i hope its the hardest choice we will ever have to make).
Let those special girls know that they are mothers. One way or another. Whether they have those babies with them, or they don't have their babies with them. Birth Mothers... are still Mothers. If they weren't, I don't think that name would be attached to "Birth".
Its always hard, being a birth mom, with all the misconceptions. Its hard with the women that do place because they "didn't want their babies". I have yet to meet a single woman like that. BUT, those of us who place out of love, or because we knew it was best for them, or whatever, are still a mom. We still find joy in ALL those moments that those angel babies get to be a part of. Walking, holding their bottle by themselves, smiling, laughing, saying mom... to their MOMS! It still brings just as much joy!!! We hurt when they hurt as well. We get scared, when they do. We love them. We love them with every ounce of our being. And that is what makes us a mother.