Monday, September 3, 2012

Open Adoption

I have come to love, even more, open adoption. 

As I have said numerous times, when I placed adoptions were "semi open". Ultimately, it was decided on between the Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents how open or closed the adoption would be after the 6 month mark.  Those first 6 months were all dependent on the rules of LDSFS.

As I sit here crying, I am more in love with the idea of open adoptions as they are now, because of a couple reasons. 1: I just watched Candace's videos HERE (the finalization of Jamison's Adoption) and HERE(Jamison's homecoming).  Seeing the JOY and LOVE and EXCITEMENT of their family members meeting that little boy for the first time... i've never witnessed anything like that, and it was just another thing telling me its right. Adoption is such a blessing and a great opportunity. Im grateful for Candace for posting those videos, because its a light into their world!

After being able to talk and meet with girls that have had Open Adoptions over the last, even 3 years, I am so utterly jealous. Not only jealous, but absolutely thrilled that the world is becoming more knowledgeable and open to the idea of Open Adoptions.  This is not to say that my own adoption isn't open, but its even still different than these girls. 

As a Birth Mom I can't even imagine being able to see my little baby days, or weeks, or just months after placing. As a Birth Mom, I have seen such a tremendous amount of healing that these girls have been able to have with Open Adoption.  I have seen these girls THRIVE in life after placement, and have seen them come to understand and be OK with so much in such a short time. I was not even close to where they are currently even a year after placing.  So, PART of that problem could have been attributed to the fact that I attempted to stay "together" with the Birth Father, but I also believe it was partly the way our adoption was. AND IT WASN'T EVEN BAD.  I think I would have had an easier time to heal if we could have continued on talking on the phone... I miss(even now) not being able to talk to them during those last few weeks that I was pregnant.  And I still wish I could go back in time and have R & S there to see their baby boy come into the world.  I wished it sitting at the house, in the car on the way to the hospital, and in that bed.  If we could have, I would have had them there.

I have been able to become a part of a "group"(I'll call it), called Open Adoption Open Heart, on Facebook, and its basically a public site where we try to get the word out about Open Adoption, we have little quotes, stores, and other things that we post or share. Also, if someone has a question or comment they can post those as well.  The people who started this page are Jammie and Russell, and even though I've not met them in person, they are amazing. And Jammie, how I wish we lived closer, I think we would be great friends;).  Um, so being able to be a part of that has been so healing as well.  There are other Bmoms, Aparents, and such and the stories they share are awesome. They are such great Adoptive parents, and their little babies are oh so cute! Plus, they LOVE their Bmoms:)!  And their kids. The BIGGEST THING I can say, is about the book that Russell wrote about their adoption journey, and their choice in Open Adoption.  EVERYONE should read it!  AMAZING. You can buy it from his page HERE

There are so many different levels of Open adoption, and some people would probably come to think that my adoption is more open than theirs. I have told Russell and Jammie that theirs is more open than mine, they've actually gone to the Bmoms house, and she has come to theirs. I've never been to my families house, but I have been to their sisters, and their parents.  It always has to be what is best for the baby, for the family, for the bmom, etc etc.  Only you guys will know what is right.  But, I think having it even semi-open does incredible things. 

My cute girls, that I was able to come in contact with because they were going to place with R&S, have done amazing things!  Biz(:)), got married, has a great job, and is living life. She was able to see her little girl when they came back to Utah to Finalize things here, that made me cry and oh so jealous(in a good way though I wasn't angry in anyway!). And she has even seen them since when she has gone to visit her family, and was able to be there when they were sealed.  The same goes for Lyss, that girl is one strong cookie.  She has been able to talk to them, they text pictures etc.  I think she saw him just a month ago, and is doing really well. 

Now, I think it all depends on what you want.  I know, PERSONALLY, that when I go to see them, I'm going to see my family.  Its doesn't feel right to say, "I'm going to see my baby." Nope, he isn't, he is theirs, he was meant to be theirs, and i know he was!!!  I still feel such a GREAT DEAL of love for them that they are his mom and dad.  I love hearing them calling R & S mom and dad. HELLO, that is who they are, and its PERFECT.  I love being Angel Jena, or Jena, or friend, or whatever!  I think its such an honor!!!!

If you are nervous about Open Adoption, go to our FB page - here -  and send a message, or talk to someone, I am SURE there is someone around you who has and Open Adoption or knows about it. You can also watch more about Open Adoption on the link above and also HERE

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