Tuesday, December 16, 2014

An Advocate

A few years ago I was blessed to find Open Adoption, Open Heart on Facebook.  I then was lucky enough to become friends with Russell & Jammie. And then was shocked when they asked me to be part of their admin team, and an adoption advocate for Open Adoption, Open Heart.  I cried(ask my hubs) because it was truly an honor. I LOVE my OAOH family.  That place and those people will always be home. I will never leave, and I will never stop the love!
I didn't think much of the ways you can come in contact with people.  I have been blogging for a couple years now, with no real intention of an "audience".  I just felt this to be a place to spread the love. To write and GET IT OUT.  I still don't have a "destination" for this blog, other than for me to be able to have an out.  And yes, I could do it in my own private journal, but this actually gets done.  I haven't written in my own journal since just before my own baby boy was born!  Ya, that is how frigging awesome I am!  I just feel comfortable having this OUT.  

So, back to the point of this post.  I had never thought of myself as an "adoption advocate" because I didn't know there was such a title.  I didn't know there was a special title... because I felt that I was just a girl, who placed a child, and LOVED what it did for him, his family, and myself.  I just felt that if someone came to the same place I had, that I hoped they could hear my story, or my words, or anyones words who has had experience where I have, and be able to make an educated decision.  I love adoption.  I love birth parents. I love it, I just do. Its nothing to brag and boast, and say LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME. I don't want or need recognition, I am not here sharing so someone can say "oh look what she did/does".  I am here so that someone else can learn, grow, and make a decision.  

I can honestly say that I did TRY to be a part of the "adoption community".  I think I discovered a few different things.  The "community" I am in is saturated, it has already been established by amazing and supportive people.  It is a community that is set in what it wants/needs.  It is a community that, unless you are a part of it from the very moment you decide on adoption, its not one to easily be a part of.  There are MANY that are a "part" of it, but there are a few whose opinions/stories/experiences or whatever you want to call it are asked for.  THAT IS OK.  I can say it is OK, because I GOT OVER what was hurting so bad. I got over the fact that I was taking it all personal.  Because I realized, I am just not what they need.  At least, I am not what they need in the advocacy boat.  I still love to participate in many areas, but I am not there as a "advocate" I am there as a birth mom.  That is perfection for me.  

I attended the Birth Parent meet up hosted by Adoption: Share the Love this last year.  I LOVED IT. I was not there being trampled and being fussed over, I was there as a birth parent, who needed some birth parent love.  It was a great event, especially because of those who I got to chat with, and meet.  I was spread out meeting new people, and it was great! That is what I am. That is what I need.

I am a Birth Parent. I Love Adoption.  
Maybe the issue, rather the realization, is that I am 11 years into this "post placement journey".  I have had gobs and gobs of time to heal, and grow. I have had countless hours of moments in prayer, and being alone to meditate what I felt. I know what I want,  I know what I need.  I guess I am just not a normal Birth Parent?  I feel, I am not his mom.  He is not my son, my son is 3 days old. He has a mom, and dad, and oh how I love them.  I love his family, both his immediate family, and his extended family.  His Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, I LOVE THEM.  I love them like family.  I don't feel like its weird to not feel like his mom.  Because I have had many confirmations that he isn't.  I can testify that he is theirs and was ALWAYS meant to be theirs!

I have accepted the ugly parts of my story. The ugly including the relationships with bf, the self destruction of my own doing, and the ugly of how painful moments were and can be.  YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT AND EMBRACE THE UGLY.  Because adoption is not always pretty and rainbows, especially for birth parents.  Not everyone has a picture perfect experience.  Some have really frigging crappy experiences, I've witnessed one just recently, and it is UGLY, and it is MEAN, and it is utterly and completely HEARTBREAKING.  But, those who share their ugly moment, can help others more than they know!!!  

I am a lover of adoption. I am a lover of Birth Parents.  I am a lover of Adoptive Parents... who are real parents... and seriously i kind of hate calling them "adoptive parents".  But that's a post for another time.

I am just Jena.  And that is perfect for me.  
I will support this community, because they are doing great things, no matter what it does for me. With that being said as well. I will support those who ALSO support the community.  Not just some of the community, but ALL of it.  That supports and lifts every other "group", program, agency, etc.  I know that I am not for everyone, and everyone isn't for me.  BUT, each group has good and bad (to everyone)  be supportive... don't talk about one being better than the other... and don't start junk between groups! If you are going to advocate, do it respectfully and responsibly.  You are out there spreading the love of adoption, of birth parents, of adoptive couples, of adoptive hopefuls. Do so in the same light that you would want others to share information about you. 

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