Wednesday, August 27, 2014

React Pt. 2

As I said before, the way react has a big determining factor in how a situation plays out. Not always does it have a big factor, but it usually does.

Many many years i had to constantly hear about what others were saying about me after placement, and after the birth father and I finally, and completely, broke up.  I had to hear about what others were saying happened(even thought they weren't there). I had to hear about how I was being bashed.  I had to hear about everything.  Usually i got really angry and hurt.  One thing was true, the relationship was terrible.  I reacted negatively because the situation was crappy. The situation was crappy because I chose to have sex before I was married. And in turn, ended up pregnant in high school. 

I had to hear about the parents of friends not allowing them to interact with me. I had to see the judgement from where I thought I had support. Hearing about what a terrible person I was. How slutty i was. etc etc.  I had to see how my family was being judged.  How the situation hadn't just affected me DAILY. 

Now .  .   .
I still hear about people talking about me.  And about the fact that I got pregnant in high school.  I still hear about all the things "I did".  I see others hiding friendships.  I see dishonesty.  I see betrayal.  
I also see support. Love. Kindness. 

I react to these situations differently.
Now i can laugh about the idea of my past still being talked about on the level it is.  And that some people still think that change is not possible in a person.  I can smile, even if I hear a lie, because it doesn't matter. Others can read what I have written, and see something that isn't there. They can see all the bad, and miss the good. 

I react differently, because I have forgiven.  I react differently because I have been forgiven.  
In my faith we believe in repentance. We believe that our Savior, Jesus Christ, Died on the cross, and suffered in Gethsemane, for us.  He rose again, for us. He did all he did, so that we could be able to repent, and be forgiven and return to our Father in Heaven.  I worked long and hard to be forgiven.  Even after being told I had been forgiven by authorities in my church, I had to feel fully, for myself, that forgiveness had truly been offered. 
Because I had been forgiven, I was then able to move forward and forgive those who did hurtful things to me. FORGIVENESS was key to my reactions for past- sometimes present- words/actions.  

Because I have been able to fully forgive, I have been freed of that burden. I can hear/see/feel and be ok.  

I have been able to react in ways that support positivity, and further forgiveness. I have been able to attend the temple in moments of great anger, and feel the Lords arms around me. Leaving me with peace and understanding.  Leaving me with a desire to continue to share, advocate, and support my life and story.  

When we take more time to react, to see the situation for what it truly is, we are able to see ourselves in a different light.  We can not only move forward because of the time we take for others, but also the time we take for ourselves.  I have been able to take responsibility for my actions. I have been able to take responsibility for my words. I have been able to forgive, and ask forgiveness. 

I react with love. And sadness for misunderstanding. But, I react with faith that it all will be as it should be.
Be bold and brave, and do so with a prayer in your heart. 

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